Learning about conflict and conflict resolution skills are gifts we as counselors give our students (teachers, parents) that can be used for a lifetime.
Eight Principles
Principle One Defining conflict as something that occurs when there is disagreement or opposition.
Principle Two Conflicts usually happen when you don't get what you want. What you want might be a material thing but could also be an emotional need such as to be understood, included, feel safe etc.
Principle Three When two or more are involved in a conflict the conflict can escalate (get worse) as each person tries to get what each want or need. This is called "going up the conflict escalator". The top of the escalator results in both people not getting what they want.
Principle Four Everyone has conflicts because everyone has wants and needs. You can even have a conflict with yourself.
Principle Five Conflicts are not always a bad thing to have; much learning, growth and positive change can result from conflict.
Principle Six There are skills that will help you learn to respond to conflict. All conflicts do not end up on the conflict escalator. Once on the conflict escalator you can make changes that will reverse the conflict and the escalator will go down.
Principle Seven There are strategies that help resolve conflict.
Principle Eight There are some people who purposely lure others into conflicts for control or power of you. These people are often called Bullies.
Sequence of Conflict Lessons K - 6
Kindergarten
- Introduce simple, basic concept of wants and needs to the students in their everyday interactions. The teacher is the best person for this. The teacher uses words such as "it seems you both want the same thing". "Please use your words to tell me what you need right now".
- In guidance lessons while reading stories point out behaviors of characters that are demonstrating not getting what they want or need. It is not necessary identify it as a conflict. "Oh look in this story the ducks want to cross the street and the cars want to use the road. The both want something different".
First Grade
- Using the book Teaching Conflict Resolution Through Children's Literature (below) do a series of the first five lessons. Some teacher prefer these lessons to be weekly, others monthly but the most effective is clearing your calendar and meeting everyday for the five lessons. The first five lessons will cover the meaning of conflict, how conflict happens when you don't get what you want, and introduces the conflict escalator. As you read the recommended books (or find some of your own) the students respond by showing a signal when the characters are getting on the conflict escalator and going up.
- Inform the parents of the Conflict Resolution program at your school. Introduce the vocabulary and common language that they can use at home. I often would give a presentation to the parents as well.
- When teachers use the terms as well it reinforces the concepts. Teachers can point out, "Looks like we have a conflict here. You and your classmate want two different things" , "Looks like you got on the conflict escalator just now" or "You both are not getting what you want but you were able not to get on the conflict escalator. Good for you."
- When students are referred to me I point out if it is conflict related. Often I will draw the escalator and have them tell me step by step what has occurred. Then we try to problem solve some ideas for working it out.
- Use the puppets to role play conflict and then review how the conflict escalated.
Second Grade
- Review the basic concepts of conflict from the previous year. Developmentally students can better grasp the concept and love sharing observations of others in conflicts. "My parents and I were in a conflict last night when my mom wanted me to get off my ipad and I wanted to play on it more".
- Teach the next lessons in the series. I went in once a month.
- Prepare posters for the classroom of the different strategies for resolving conflicts.
- Show the presentation Learning about Conflict.
- Prepare a simple assessment at the end of the year to see what they have mastered.
- Inform the parents of the Conflict Resolution program at your school. Introduce the vocabulary and common language that they can use at home. I often would give a presentation to the parents as well.
- When teachers use the terms as well it reinforces the concepts. Teachers can point out, "Looks like we have a conflict here. You and your classmate want two different things" , "Looks like you got on the conflict escalator just now" or "You both are not getting what you want but you were able not to get on the conflict escalator. Good for you".
- When students are referred to me I point out if it is conflict related. Often I will draw the escalator and have them tell me step by step what has occurred. Then we try to problem solve some ideas for working it out.
- Use the puppets to role play conflict and then review how the conflict escalated.
- Second Grade Play group is designed to address conflicts in the Here and Now.
Third Grade
- I begin to introduce the next phase of learning about conflict which is learning about making good choices in friends. I present a series of friendship lessons called "The New Rules of Friendship" explaining that in the early grades friendships developed because of nearness. For example, your best friend was whoever sat next to you that day at circle time. Also, friendships formed when someone shared common interest.
- Some students are quicker to get on the conflict escalator (want their way a lot) or give a lot of "invitations onto the conflict escalator". It takes a lot of energy, patience, understanding to be friends with someone who wants their way a lot so we look at finding ways to give invitations to friendship rather than the conflict escalator. Show the presentations from the Social Skills series.
- Show presentation to help students learn the art of giving I messages. I would bring about 15 puppets to the room and have them practice using the puppets.
- When teachers use the terms as well it reinforces the concepts. Teachers can point out, "Looks like we have a conflict here. You and your classmate want two different things" , "Looks like you got on the conflict escalator just now" or "You both are not getting what you want but you were able not to get on the conflict escalator. Good for you."
- When students are referred to me I point out if it is conflict related. Often I will draw the escalator and have them tell me step by step what has occurred. Then we try to problem solve some ideas for working it out.
- Use the puppets to role play conflict and then review how the conflict escalated.
- Third grade traditionally has many conflicts between friends. The more time spent in developing skills the less time spent resolving the conflicts.
- Girls' Group and Boys' Sand Tray Group support the Conflict Resolution Program.
Fourth Grade
- The teacher introduces recognizing conflict through literature in the chapter books and social studies curriculum.
- Continue using conflict concepts with students in individual sessions to include family conflicts between parents, siblings etc.
- One important activity for review and enhancing understanding. Students line up from one end of the room to the other. One side represents strongly against conflict and try to get as far from it as they can and the other side represents no issues with conflict and every where in between. After some discussion about where they have placed themselves the students pair up each meeting the other end of the continuum. Each student is given strip with one of the strategies for working out a conflict or getting off the conflict escalator and prepare a skit to show the group. I also bring in puppets for their use.
- Traditionally this is the year when conflicts at recess begin to surface especially for the group games such as kick ball, soccer, etc. Students send referrals to work out these conflicts reviewing the basic principles and strategies.
Five and Sixth grade
- Students in conflicts complete the form showing how they went up the escalator and their part.
- Strategies on ways to resolve the conflict are discussed. Administration uses these forms as Think Sheets.
- Teachers can use examples of conflict in Literature and Social Studies.
For a guidance lesson, play the Beatles song We Can Work It Out and discuss. Performed by Stevie Wonder at the White House. Here is the song again performed by the Beatles.
http://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Conflict-Resolution-Childrens-Literature/dp/0590497472
Although the recommended books are wonderful, there are now many other new books that work as well. This is a comprehensive program for weekly/monthly guidance lessons that teach about conflicts and conflict resolution through literature.
Creative Conflict Resolution Through by William Kreidler
http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Conflict-Resolution-William-Kreidler/dp/1596470968
Suggested books on conflict to read with students.
http://www.lifetrax.org/resources/bibs/child_bib.htm
A resource for teaching about conflict through classic storytellling
http://www.cis.yale.edu/ynhti/curriculum/units/2004/2/04.02.04.x.html
Web site that reviews 12 conflict resolution skills
http://www.crnhq.org/
Another good book as resource for classroom conflict resolution procedures.
http://www.amazon.com/Talk-Out-Resolution-Elementary-Classroom/dp/087120262X/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1399747217&sr=8-2-fkmr0&keywords=Talk+It+Out+%3A
+Conflict+Resolution+in+the+Elementary+Classroom+%2896+Edition%29+by+Barbara+Porro
Affectionately,
Jeanette