Adoption
Children who are adopted come with their own special and unique stories. It is important that they have an opportunity to share their stories in a support group. Having adopted a son myself helped me understand the needs of adopted students.
1. The first step is getting a list of names from the teachers or parents of students who have been adopted. I first make appointments to meet with the parents and get background information whenever possible. This also gave me an opportunity to build a trusting relationship with the adoptive parent and to be there as a support for them throughout the years at my school.
2. The next step is to meet individually with the adopted student. If there are siblings who have been adopted I may see them both at the same time, especially if there is an age difference.
3. The group consists of 6-8 students from 2nd - 6th grade. I rarely had a kindergartener or first grader participate in the Adoption Groups. The group would meet 1 time per week for 30 minutes for 6 - 8 sessions.
Session One
Session Two
Session Three
Session Four
Session Five - Six
Session Seven
Session Eight
1. The first step is getting a list of names from the teachers or parents of students who have been adopted. I first make appointments to meet with the parents and get background information whenever possible. This also gave me an opportunity to build a trusting relationship with the adoptive parent and to be there as a support for them throughout the years at my school.
2. The next step is to meet individually with the adopted student. If there are siblings who have been adopted I may see them both at the same time, especially if there is an age difference.
- I share information about the group and see if it is something they would like to be a part of. Trust is a big issue for adoptive students.
- I invite the students to come see what it will be like and reassure them that at anytime they could stop coming to the group. Many adopted children do not want to be singled out as adopted. It is a very private piece of information. It is important to respect that.
- In this individual session the students often ask a lot of questions even challenging me as to where I got the information about them.
- I found it was helpful if the parents first talk to the students prior to my meeting with them to lay a foundation. I also ask the student to think of a goal, something he/she might like to learn more about themselves or about adoption while in the group.
3. The group consists of 6-8 students from 2nd - 6th grade. I rarely had a kindergartener or first grader participate in the Adoption Groups. The group would meet 1 time per week for 30 minutes for 6 - 8 sessions.
Session One
- Even though I have met with each student individually I review the reason for this group. I say, "You are invited to be in this group because you have been adopted. Group will be a place where you can come and talk about what it is like for you and to hear what others are experiencing. Also in our group we will come up with some ways to let your friends, or teachers learn about what it is like for you being adopted. Why there might even be some things you will want to teach your parents about what you are feeling."
- I review the group ground rules of confidentiality, right to pass, commitment to group, respectful listening.
- These students may not know each other well. Consequently we spend more time building relationships and trust. I ask them to draw a picture of their family. I collect the pictures and the following week they share about their family.
- We close with a go around asking each student if they would like to be in group.
Session Two
- After a quick check in the students share about their family. Since I have an adopted son I would start by sharing my family and tell a little about each member.
- After the sharing we look for connections and have an opportunity for questions. Say, "As you were learning about each of our families did you have any connections or questions to someone in the group?"
- I then ask someone in the group to explain what adoption means to them. Others will add on.
- We close out the group by going around and checking in to see how group is working for them so far.
Session Three
- We have a general sharing question opened to everyone in the group. I say, "Today we are going to explore the pluses and minuses of being adopted. There are always both good and bad things with anything we do." I share with them one or two of my good things and then open it to the group. This generally takes only a few minutes. Next I share some of my thoughts about what was negative for being adopted. I tell them that this does not have to be about their pluses or minuses but just about adoption in general.
- After the group has shared I ask for someone to summarize what they have heard both of the positive things and not so positive things. I ask the group if there was someone that they felt they connected with or shared some of the same thoughts.
- For the close out question each student shares what they are discovering so far about themselves or others.
Session Four
- In most cases we are about to enter into the middle stage. In this session I generally introduce the idea of ways we can help others learn about being an adopted child. We brainstorm what we can do to get the word out about how they are unique to others and/or just like other kids. In most cases the students come up with some sort of newsletter or booklet. However, some groups want to go on the school news show, write letters to parents, teachers, friends, or even put on a skit. The how is not as important as the what they want to share.
- Together we make a list of the points they want others to know. I record their ideas and their points for future groups.
- For closure I review the main points covered today.
Session Five - Six
- In this group I introduce the "I wonder" questions. These are questions that they have been wondering about and ask to the group. I start with the first one. The format is that the person ask the "I wonder" question to the group but does not share their reason for asking. Others in the group respond if they have experienced the same type of thing. Then the person asking the question shares why he/she wanted to know. I ask the person what he/she discovered after asking the question.
- There are many examples of I wonder questions. Most adoptive children want to know something about their birth mothers or the reasons they were adopted by their family. However, a lot of their "I wonder" questions are not personal. This is a good time to share basic facts about adoption to the students.
- I begin the "I wonder" question with this: I say, "You know I wonder if any of you have a special stuff animal or blanket that you use at night to give you comfort." Later after they share I say, "I asked this I wonder question because even big kids have told me they sometimes need something to help them fall asleep." "I discovered that many of you also have this type of thing. I discovered it is nice to find out you might not be a baby if you do and that others, even the bigger kids need something." I ask this I wonder questions in many different groups. I have found that most children do have some special item.
- It is here in the "I wonder" questions where students bring up their worries, fears, frustrations, confusions, needs etc. It is also with the "I wonder" questions that the students begin to share thier stories
- It is important not to rush the I wonder questions format. Give each child plenty of time to share. This is when it is very helpful to use the intervention questions found on All About Groups #6. These intervention questions help keep the group in the Here and Now.
Session Seven
- It is time to begin closing out group with only one session left. In this group we talk about what they are discovering about themselves and others.
- I ask them about the trust and comfort level within the group and why they think it is as it is.
- I say, "During our groups you have been hearing a lot about each other. We are going to take time today to give a gift of feedback to someone in the group. You can do more than one person if you would like. Maybe you want to say something special about what you heard about their worries or sadness. Maybe you want to give them a wish or hope for their future. (this one is big such as I wish or hope your dad makes it home for your birthday." Maybe you will give a compliment to someone in the group that you have connected with, etc"
- I model this by talking directly to one student. For example: "Ben you shared how frustrated you get when you think you don't fit in with your family. I hope you can find a way to share that with your mom. If you would like you both can come together to my room and I might be able to help you with this." Sometimes I will also add a group comment at the end.
- I tell the students to say "thank you" after hearing their feedback.
Session Eight
- In our individual sessions I had asked the students to come up with a goal or question that they wanted to learn more about (for example the "I wonder" questions) At this time we share what our goal was and if it was reached.
- For the last group we do a close out question of what it is like for them for the group to be ending. Most group members are very sad since endings are a big part of their life.
- I offer the members an opportunity to continue with this group to complete the Information Packet Project that we had talked about several weeks ago. For those who want to continue I set up a meeting time (usually lunch) to meet. The students come to my room and prepare (with minimal support from me) their project. Usually it is a poster or a booklet.