Strategies
Being Teased
Teasing is a major topic in elementary school. Students need a lot of support in understanding teasing and strategies to deal with it. Often teasing is the first of many attacks from Bullies.
Students who tease in the primary grades (K-2) often respond well to teacher's interventions. However, by the end of 3rd grade and especially in 4th grade teasing becomes a bigger issue. Thus, it is necessary to address teasing in both guidance lessons, groups and individual sessions.
The guidance lesson explains to the students the different ways people respond to teasing. The goal of the lesson is to help students understand teasing from different perspectives. This enables the students to step out of their own personal needs and develop empathy for others who have a different approach. Once students have an understanding of their personal preference or reaction to teasing, then they can talk it out among themselves and establish a healthy relationship. Not all teasing is bullying but teasing to be cruel and hurtful is a form of bullying and needs to be identified. This lesson is designed to give students tools to recognize the differences.
Overview of the Guidance Lesson - use this for script
1. Students fill out an index card with their name and their feelings and thoughts about teasing. This gives the teacher and counselor a foundation to work from. Although most say they don't care for teasing as the lesson continues students develop a deeper understanding of teasing.
2. The Title of the lesson
3. Five Profiles. Explain to the students that although most people say that teasing is bad that in reality people view teasing in different ways. Learning about teasing will help them understand themselves and others better when it comes to teasing. As they hear the lesson encourage them to think about which profile matches their beliefs about teasing.
4. Type A - There are people who are not bothered by teasing. They think it is a fun way to connect with others and often build their friendships around this playful exchange. If an A is teased they are not hurt by the words, and often try to find an even bigger tease to give back. If two A's are friends then there is never any problems with teasing no matter how hurtful the words may be. A's don't care if someone teases them and they don't understand that it can be hurtful since it isn't for them. A's believe that everyone enjoys this type of exchange.
An example would be two A friends playing soccer. One A will say something like you play soccer like a elephant, clumping down the field. And the other A will respond with, "Well, my big legs are going to crush you and the ball right into the goal. Have you seen how strong an elephants legs are?
At this point many of the students begin to recognize students who might be A's. It is a desired profile but one that doesn't fit in reality to many students.
5. Type C - These are students who are teased but do not think it is funny. When C's are teased they often tease back, in a mean way, hoping the person will see how it feels and thus stop teasing. C's tease for revenge but they also discover that it can be fun to tease someone. Sometimes C's tease in a playful way.
This is all good if C's tease A's as long as A's don't tease C's back. Trouble occurs when C's tease each other and they quickly find themselves going up the conflict escalator. Also, it is very confusing for A's who mistake C's (since they are teasing) thinking that it is relationship building and fun. As you will see shortly there is a solution to prevent this confusion.
6. Type D - These are also students who are teased and do not think it is funny. In fact, D's hate to be teased, it hurts them deeply and yet the hold in their emotions, telling no one how much it upsets them. D's often have emotional outburst after years of being teased. D's never tease others. C's and D's can be good friends, especially since the both do not like to be teased.
7. Type B - Interestingly there are some students who are never teased and don't tease others. B's like to build relationships by sharing thoughts, common interest, and feelings with others. Often B's wonder why the counselor would spend so much time talking about teasing since it is not a part of their life. There are not many B's. (please rearrange slides to match this script exchange combination with Type E)
8. Combinations - Now things can work out very well if C's tell A's that they don't like to be teased. A's will stop teasing C's but C's can tease A's. The friendships can work out just fine. In addition, the D's, instead of holding it in, can tell A's and C's that they don't like to be teased and the A's will stop as will the C's. A key behavior here is the teasing person will stop once they learn that someone does not think teasing is fun. Also, it is helpful for D's and C's to understand that A's are not teasing to be hurtful, it is their way of trying to connect and interact as a friend.
9. Type E - This is where teasing becomes worrisome. E's tease to be hurtful, for power or control over someone. E's are considered Bullies and intentionally strike out to be cruel. E's are very tricky in that they disguise themselves as A's or C's. When E's are confronted they lie and say, "Oh I was only fooling." when in reality they meant to put the person down.
10. Reflection - one of the goals of the lesson is to help students learn more about themselves. It is also designed to identify the bullies in the class or grade. One of the biggest indicators are that when asked to stop the E's will not, in fact, they tease even more knowing they have caused the student pain. Sometimes student ask "Well, now the E's will stop because they don't want to be identified as bullies." In which the counselor can reply, "Good, then the teasing will be stopping after all and the Bully loses the power."
11. On your index card - the next step is optional but a very powerful strategy, especially if there is a lot of teasing going on in a class. Many students strive to be A's after hearing this lesson. But the fact remains that most students are C's or D's. By taking a classroom assessment it opens up the communication between students and also helps student identify bullies behavior in a classroom.
Students take an informal assessment of how many students they believe are A's, B's, C's, D's and E's in the class. The students are asked not to discuss this lesson , nor share what their personal profile is until after the second part of the lesson. I request that they not share since trust has not been established yet and there may be E's in the classroom just waiting for this information so they can form the attack.
Gather the data between actually number of students and how they identify themselves and the speculations and compare answers. Generally the estimations are very close except for one area..... Zero students identify themselves as E's and yet in a classroom there maybe several students named as possible E's.
12. Sharing the results - This is where the counselor reports the data to the class. Remember no names are given. The counselor shares the actually data on the slide (this is sample) and compares. Discussion can follow as to what the data means. Students now can share with trusted friends their personal profile.
13. A newsletter goes home to parents with the basic information from this lesson. Explain to the students that your family profile may different from your school profile. This information is helpful to parents when dealing with siblings teasing each other.
Students who tease in the primary grades (K-2) often respond well to teacher's interventions. However, by the end of 3rd grade and especially in 4th grade teasing becomes a bigger issue. Thus, it is necessary to address teasing in both guidance lessons, groups and individual sessions.
The guidance lesson explains to the students the different ways people respond to teasing. The goal of the lesson is to help students understand teasing from different perspectives. This enables the students to step out of their own personal needs and develop empathy for others who have a different approach. Once students have an understanding of their personal preference or reaction to teasing, then they can talk it out among themselves and establish a healthy relationship. Not all teasing is bullying but teasing to be cruel and hurtful is a form of bullying and needs to be identified. This lesson is designed to give students tools to recognize the differences.
Overview of the Guidance Lesson - use this for script
1. Students fill out an index card with their name and their feelings and thoughts about teasing. This gives the teacher and counselor a foundation to work from. Although most say they don't care for teasing as the lesson continues students develop a deeper understanding of teasing.
2. The Title of the lesson
3. Five Profiles. Explain to the students that although most people say that teasing is bad that in reality people view teasing in different ways. Learning about teasing will help them understand themselves and others better when it comes to teasing. As they hear the lesson encourage them to think about which profile matches their beliefs about teasing.
4. Type A - There are people who are not bothered by teasing. They think it is a fun way to connect with others and often build their friendships around this playful exchange. If an A is teased they are not hurt by the words, and often try to find an even bigger tease to give back. If two A's are friends then there is never any problems with teasing no matter how hurtful the words may be. A's don't care if someone teases them and they don't understand that it can be hurtful since it isn't for them. A's believe that everyone enjoys this type of exchange.
An example would be two A friends playing soccer. One A will say something like you play soccer like a elephant, clumping down the field. And the other A will respond with, "Well, my big legs are going to crush you and the ball right into the goal. Have you seen how strong an elephants legs are?
At this point many of the students begin to recognize students who might be A's. It is a desired profile but one that doesn't fit in reality to many students.
5. Type C - These are students who are teased but do not think it is funny. When C's are teased they often tease back, in a mean way, hoping the person will see how it feels and thus stop teasing. C's tease for revenge but they also discover that it can be fun to tease someone. Sometimes C's tease in a playful way.
This is all good if C's tease A's as long as A's don't tease C's back. Trouble occurs when C's tease each other and they quickly find themselves going up the conflict escalator. Also, it is very confusing for A's who mistake C's (since they are teasing) thinking that it is relationship building and fun. As you will see shortly there is a solution to prevent this confusion.
6. Type D - These are also students who are teased and do not think it is funny. In fact, D's hate to be teased, it hurts them deeply and yet the hold in their emotions, telling no one how much it upsets them. D's often have emotional outburst after years of being teased. D's never tease others. C's and D's can be good friends, especially since the both do not like to be teased.
7. Type B - Interestingly there are some students who are never teased and don't tease others. B's like to build relationships by sharing thoughts, common interest, and feelings with others. Often B's wonder why the counselor would spend so much time talking about teasing since it is not a part of their life. There are not many B's. (please rearrange slides to match this script exchange combination with Type E)
8. Combinations - Now things can work out very well if C's tell A's that they don't like to be teased. A's will stop teasing C's but C's can tease A's. The friendships can work out just fine. In addition, the D's, instead of holding it in, can tell A's and C's that they don't like to be teased and the A's will stop as will the C's. A key behavior here is the teasing person will stop once they learn that someone does not think teasing is fun. Also, it is helpful for D's and C's to understand that A's are not teasing to be hurtful, it is their way of trying to connect and interact as a friend.
9. Type E - This is where teasing becomes worrisome. E's tease to be hurtful, for power or control over someone. E's are considered Bullies and intentionally strike out to be cruel. E's are very tricky in that they disguise themselves as A's or C's. When E's are confronted they lie and say, "Oh I was only fooling." when in reality they meant to put the person down.
10. Reflection - one of the goals of the lesson is to help students learn more about themselves. It is also designed to identify the bullies in the class or grade. One of the biggest indicators are that when asked to stop the E's will not, in fact, they tease even more knowing they have caused the student pain. Sometimes student ask "Well, now the E's will stop because they don't want to be identified as bullies." In which the counselor can reply, "Good, then the teasing will be stopping after all and the Bully loses the power."
11. On your index card - the next step is optional but a very powerful strategy, especially if there is a lot of teasing going on in a class. Many students strive to be A's after hearing this lesson. But the fact remains that most students are C's or D's. By taking a classroom assessment it opens up the communication between students and also helps student identify bullies behavior in a classroom.
Students take an informal assessment of how many students they believe are A's, B's, C's, D's and E's in the class. The students are asked not to discuss this lesson , nor share what their personal profile is until after the second part of the lesson. I request that they not share since trust has not been established yet and there may be E's in the classroom just waiting for this information so they can form the attack.
Gather the data between actually number of students and how they identify themselves and the speculations and compare answers. Generally the estimations are very close except for one area..... Zero students identify themselves as E's and yet in a classroom there maybe several students named as possible E's.
12. Sharing the results - This is where the counselor reports the data to the class. Remember no names are given. The counselor shares the actually data on the slide (this is sample) and compares. Discussion can follow as to what the data means. Students now can share with trusted friends their personal profile.
13. A newsletter goes home to parents with the basic information from this lesson. Explain to the students that your family profile may different from your school profile. This information is helpful to parents when dealing with siblings teasing each other.
Guidance Lesson Presentation on Teasing
|
From My Counseling Room
Tyler came to my school in the 3rd grade in our Gifted Program. He was very charismatic and quickly established himself as the "popular boy". Tyler was good at everything and was proud to let others know it. He would brag when he scored in kickball. He was crow when he made a good grade on his test. "I got an A, I got an A" He loved to mock other students, especially if they made an error or mistake. Quickly the other boys in the class began to model their behavior after Tyler. However, it was not received in the same way and students began to have many conflicts. There were battles between the girls against the boys. There was high competition at recess and academically. The teacher was concerned because some children were complaining of being bullied by the "ring of boys who played with Tyler."
Since Tyler was a leader in this class it was important for him to buy into the Teasing Theory. He had to see that his style was an A - playful and not meant to be hurtful but that others (the C's) were copying him but with revenge. I first shared the lesson individually with Tyler and he quickly grasped the concept. After sharing the lesson with the entire class Tyler announced to the class that he was an A but he thought there were a lot of C's in the class. The teacher held a class meeting after the lesson and the students discussed the class room climate and what they wanted it to be like.
Since Tyler was a leader in this class it was important for him to buy into the Teasing Theory. He had to see that his style was an A - playful and not meant to be hurtful but that others (the C's) were copying him but with revenge. I first shared the lesson individually with Tyler and he quickly grasped the concept. After sharing the lesson with the entire class Tyler announced to the class that he was an A but he thought there were a lot of C's in the class. The teacher held a class meeting after the lesson and the students discussed the class room climate and what they wanted it to be like.