Deployed Parents
An excellent resource for support our Military families http://giveanhour.org/
Having been an Army wife for 20 years and a mother of a son who served in Iraq the need for groups for deployed or military parents is a must. The key is getting the names of the students whose parents are on active duty and in some cases work for the department of defense and are being deployed. In some schools the secretary can compile this list. I found the quickest way is to have the teachers send me the names of their students. In some cases the teachers may need to ask.
Once a list is compiled I call in the students individually (and sometimes together with their siblings). We talk about what it is like to have a parent(s) in the military. I tell them in detail about the upcoming group and invite them to participate. I ask them to find a goal or a question that they would like to work on while in group. The goal could be to get strategies for missing their parents, or ways to deal with their fears and worries. The questions could be what they have been wondering about and would like to ask other group mates.
The main purpose of these deployment groups is to provide support for the military student, to help them connect with others who may be sharing similar experiences and to share their worries, concerns, frustrations with others who will listen. Lastly, to provide an opportunity for the military students to educate others such as teachers, parents and classmates of their thoughts, feelings and experiences.
The group is generally made up of 8 -10 students of all ages and grades. I often include siblings in the same groups. The group meets for 30 minutes once a week for 8 sessions. We also have a format that any student of the group, at any time, may call a emergency session. Although not often used this provides the group with a sense of security for those unknown crises that may occur.
Session One
Session Two
Session Three
Session Four - Six
Session Seven
Session Eight
Once a list is compiled I call in the students individually (and sometimes together with their siblings). We talk about what it is like to have a parent(s) in the military. I tell them in detail about the upcoming group and invite them to participate. I ask them to find a goal or a question that they would like to work on while in group. The goal could be to get strategies for missing their parents, or ways to deal with their fears and worries. The questions could be what they have been wondering about and would like to ask other group mates.
The main purpose of these deployment groups is to provide support for the military student, to help them connect with others who may be sharing similar experiences and to share their worries, concerns, frustrations with others who will listen. Lastly, to provide an opportunity for the military students to educate others such as teachers, parents and classmates of their thoughts, feelings and experiences.
The group is generally made up of 8 -10 students of all ages and grades. I often include siblings in the same groups. The group meets for 30 minutes once a week for 8 sessions. We also have a format that any student of the group, at any time, may call a emergency session. Although not often used this provides the group with a sense of security for those unknown crises that may occur.
Session One
- Even though I have met with each student individually I review the reason for this group. I say, "You are invited to be in this group because you have a mom or dad (or both) serving in the military. Group will be a place where you can come and talk about what it is like for you and to hear what others are experiencing. Also in our group we will come up with some ways to let your friends, or teachers learn about what it is like for you to have parents in the military and getting deployed. Why there might even be some things you will want to teach your parents about what you are feeling."
- I review the group ground rules of confidentiality, right to pass, commitment to group, respectful listening.
- These students may not know each other well. Consequently we spend more time building relationships and trust. After introducing themselves to the group I ask them to tell all the different places they have lived or the number of school they have attended. We make connections and see who has moved the most times.
- We close with a go around asking each student if they would like to be in group.
Session Two
- We have a general sharing question opened to everyone in the group. I say, "Today we are going to explore the pluses and minuses of having your mom or dad (or both) in the miitary. There are always both good and bad things with anything we do." I share with them one or two of my good things and then open it to the group. This generally takes only a few minutes. Next I share some of my thoughts about what was negative for being in the military and when my son was in the service. If you have no personal experience with the military you can share one or two things that other students have shared. It is important to role model this sharing. Most students will have a long list of what is not working for them. This takes a good part of the group.
- After the group has shared I ask for someone to summarize what they have heard both of the positive things and not so positive things. I ask the group if there was someone that they felt they connected with or shared some of the same thoughts.
- To close out the group we do a go around to see how group is working for them so far.
Session Three
- In most cases we are about to enter into the middle stage. In this session I generally introduce the idea of ways we can help others learn about being a military child. We brainstorm what we can do to get the word out about how they are unique to others and/or just like other kids. In most cases the students come up with some sort of newsletter or booklet. However, some groups want to go on the school news show, write letters to parents, teachers, friends, or even put on a skit. The how is not as important as the what they want to share.
- Together we make a list of the points they want others to know. I record their ideas and their points for future groups.
- For closure I review the main points covered today.
Session Four - Six
- In this group I introduce the "I wonder" questions. These are questions that they have been wondering about and ask to the group. I start with the first one. The format is that the person ask the "I wonder" question to the group but does not share their reason for asking. Others in the group respond if they have experienced the same type of thing. Then the person asking the question shares why he/she wanted to know. I ask the person what he/she discovered after asking the question.
- There are many examples of I wonder questions. These questions range from if parents have been deployed for birthdays to if any parent has been injured in the war.
- I begin the "I wonder" question with this: I say, "You know I wonder if any of you have a special stuff animal or blanket that you use at night to give you comfort while your dad or mom is away." Later after they share I say, "I asked this I wonder question because even big kids have told me they sometimes need something to help them fall asleep." "I discovered that many of you also have this type of thing. I discovered it is nice to find out you might not be a baby if you do and that others, even the bigger kids need something."
- It is here in the "I wonder" questions where students bring up their worries, fears, frustrations, confusions, needs etc. During this time students who have parents who are currently deployed share what they are experiencing.
- It is important not to rush the I wonder questions format. Give each child plenty of time to share. This is when it is very helpful to use the intervention questions found on All About Groups #6. These intervention questions help keep the group in the Here and Now.
Session Seven
- It is time to begin closing out group with only one session left. In this group we talk about what they are discovering about themselves and others.
- I ask them about the trust and comfort level within the group and why they think it is as it is.
- I say, "During our groups you have been hearing a lot about each other. We are going to take time today to give a gift of feedback to someone in the group. You can do more than one person if you would like. Maybe you want to say something special about what you heard about their worries or sadness. Maybe you want to give them a wish or hope for their future. (this one is big such as I wish or hope your dad makes it home for your birthday." Maybe you will give a compliment to someone in the group that you have connected with, etc"
- I model this by talking directly to one student. For example: "Ben you shared how frustrated you get when your dad is gone because your mom is always so tired. I hope you can find a way to share that with your mom. If you would like you both can come together to my room and I might be able to help you with this." Sometimes I will also add a group comment at the end.
- I tell the students to say "thank you" after hearing their feedback.
Session Eight
- In our individual sessions I had asked the students to come up with a goal or question that they wanted to learn more about (for example the "I wonder" questions) At this time we share what our goal was and if it was reached.
- For the last group we do a close out question of what it is like for them for the group to be ending. Most group members are very sad since endings are a big part of their life. (typically students move every two years)
- I offer the members an opportunity to continue with this group to complete the Information Packet Project that we had talked about several weeks ago. For those who want to continue I set up a meeting time (usually lunch) to meet. The students come to my room and prepare (with minimal support from me) their project.
- I remind all members that anytime they need to call a special group meeting they can let me know.
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