Fifth Grade Friendship Group
The friendship groups for 5th graders introduces the opportunity to examine personal social goals and behaviors. These groups are Here and Now Process Groups. Emphasis is on working on their personal social skills goal (such as not interrupting, not hogging the conversation, asking questions, staying engaged with speaker, working on eye contact, paraphrasing, etc) . The counselor needs to be very skilled at leading this type of group with key interventions and knowledge of group dynamics.
Session One
- Review purpose of 5th grade friendship group. Say "It is a time to get to know group members better as well as learn more about yourself. The group helps you by giving personal feedback that you will be able to use outside of group. This is a friendship group that gives group members an opportunity to connect with friends on a different, maybe even deeper level, than what you can do at lunch or recess."
- Review confidentiality, right to pass, respectful listening and commitment. Commitment is very important in this type of group. Often there is peer pressure from those who are not in the group since group is often run at recess.
- Do an opening exercise to give group members a chance to introduce themself. Have the group members name one thing that they would take with them on an extended trip away from their family. Or taking the initials of their name find an adjective that best describes them. For example J - for Jeanette. I am a joyful person. A - Aydlette. I like to achieve.
- Share with someone in group a way that you might have connected with them as they shared something about themself. Telling it directly to the person begins the Here and Now process.
- Briefly tell them that in this group they will be setting a personal social skills goal to work on. Give the example of someone who is very quiet in group. Her/his goal might be to speak up more. Next session I give more information about this.
Session Two
- We open the group with a challenge. Someone volunteers to share what they heard from each person last week. Such as for Mrs. Aydlette she is joyful when she achieves. This exercise highlights a few things. The students who are good listeners and engaged in group. Gives counselor a chance to see risk takers, and other roles in group. Keeps group in the Here and Now.
- Take time to talk about how they did and why or why not group members could recall what each person said. If there is a group member that no one remembers what they shared then briefly check in with that person "What is is like when the group didn't remember what you shared? Ask a group intervention question "What do you think it means about the group?"
- Explain about content and process to the group and about trust levels.
- Explain a little more about setting a goal. Say, "In this group each of you and myself included will be setting a goal to work on. This goal is not something that you will do outside of group. For example, a goal can't be to get better grades. This goal is something that you will work on here in group. Something that we can give you feedback on and actually see you working on it. Last week I used the example of someone in group who very quiet in group. Everyone wonders why this person isn't ever talking. The person who is very quiet is often just very shy or doesn't know how to jump into the conversation. If we know this person's goal is to talk more then other group members could help in some way. For example, what could other members do? Open to group. Some replies might be: We could ask him/her questions like "what do you think about what was just said?" or we coulld check in with him/her and say "any comment?" Also the person working on the goal will have some ideas of what they might try to do such as give a little signal to the group when he/she wants to say something. Since the group will know the signal they will wait and give some space for him/her to share.
- Say, "The goal you pick could be something that you want to change about yourself. Maybe you talk to much. Maybe you interrupt others, maybe you are thinking about what you want to say and not listening very well. Maybe you daydream and want to be more present. Maybe you put people down. Maybe you are sacrastic. Maybe you are rude. Maybe you are quick to get angry at what someone says. Maybe you like all the attention. Maybe you ask too many questions that are personal. Maybe you want to give more compliments? Maybe you want to ask more questions. These are all different types of social skills. "
- When we opened group the challenges was to recall what each person said from last week. So the group challenge is going to be to remember what each persons goal is throughout the whole group.
- Close out: Each person has a chance to share their thoughts about setting this goal for themself.
Session Three and Four
- We open group with a brief reminder about setting goal. I model what my goal is using this format
- Share what goal is and why picked this particular goal.
- Share ways that group members might help in working on goal. What are some things group members might say or do. This could be giving compliment when they seeing person working on goal or giving reminders when group doesn't see member working on goal. Group member says, "One way the group can help me work on my goal is to ......................................"
- Check with group members if these request are something they can do.
- Ask the group members if they have any ways that might be helpful for the person working on group.
- Ask the group if the goal set is something that can see and give feedback on. Have chance for group members to clarify and ask questions of goal setting member.
- Check with goal setting person if these are things that might be helpful.
- This procedure is done for each person as they share their goal.
- With 6 - 8 group members this takes more than one session.
- At the end of session four challenge group members to tell what each person goal is. Give others a chance until all goals are said.
- Check in with those who people did not remember to see what it felt like.
- Also some group members DO NOT come up with a goal. This is a time when you can ask all group members to give some feedback as to what they thing might be helpful goals. Check with goal setting person first to see if this is something he/she is comfortable with. Say, "Would it be helpful if the group shared some observations with you for ideas for goals?" Ask group, "What are some strengths of this person. What are some things that might be something that would enhance these strengths. For example, some one takls too much or goes on an on a member might say, "Well her strength is she has a lot to say but maybe something she could work on is making her sentences a little shorter. Maybe not so much detail.
- Remind each member that these goals have to be something that we can see and give feedback on.
- Check out - someone tells goals of group members.
Sessions Five, Six, Seven
- Once all the goals have been established it is time to start the discussion in group.
- Open up group with option for group what kinds of things will our group be focusing on? Over the years there has been a huge range of topics from boys to siblings to deepest fears. Often the topic is looking for ways to deal with conflicts.
- Here content is not as important as the process.
- Have student summarize what was shared in group and come to decision what will be the needs of the group. This step is very similar to the steps in 2nd grade play group where students decide what they want to play. It has to be what everyone agrees on.
- Once topic is decided. Open up to group who wants to share first. Keeping group in here and now and not there and then is an art. Use the group intervention strategies as guidelines.
- As group members are sharing do a "time out" check in on how folks are working on their goals. This will always bring them back into the here and now. You know it is a successful, working phase group when group members begin giving this feedback without the group leader initiating it.
- Also do a group stage check in question. Say, "Just wondering as I am listening to you all talk about .... what stage you are thinking the group is in right now?"
- Also do a group trust level check in question. Say, " What are your thoughts about the group trust level right now based on what is going on in group right now?"
- Close out: Always have a close out exercise such as "share what group was like for you today." "share what your thoughts are about your goal?" "Share what your thoughts are about how others are doing on their goals?" "Share if group is working for you or not?" "Group is coming to an end - what's some of your thoughts about this?"
Session Eight
- Terminating a Here and Now group takes more time. If necessary I extend to another group to give each person time to reflect.
- Each member shares how they did on working on their goal.
- Each member gives goal setting member feedback on how they did working on their goal.
- Each member shares how they plan on using this new social skill outside of group.
- Close out question: What are you experiencing now since group is ending.