Fourth Grade Friendship Group
Friendship groups offer opportunities for discussion, clarification and self awareness. By fourth grade the students begin to realize they have a choice in who are their friends. The goal of the fourth grade friendship group is to help the students define what type of friend they will choose and what type of friend they can be. The group explores both the positive and negative qualities of a friend. In addition, each member examines his/her personal strengths as a friend and areas of improvement.
One of the key components of a successful Fourth Grade Friendship group is the level of trust established in the group. The counselor needs to be in tuned with the group dynamics and keep the enviroment safe for sharing.
The group meets once a week for 30 minutes at recess. There are 8 girls in the group. There are 6 sessions. As in other groups the girls (boys) sign up for group by sending me a note indicating interest in the group. In addition I get referrals from teachers and parents.
Session One
Session Two:
Hey, hey, oh playmate, Come out and play with me. You'll bring your dollies three, Climb up my apple tree.
Slide down my rain barrel, Slide down my cellar door. And we'll be jolly friends forever more.
So sorry, playmate I cannot play with you. My dolly's got the flu. Boo-hoo-oo-oo-oo. Can't slide down your rain barrel, Or slide down your cellar door. But we'll be jolly friends. Forever more
Session Three
Session Four
Session Five
Session Six
Session Seven (Optional)
Depending on the group there are some times that we extend this group for one more session.
One of the key components of a successful Fourth Grade Friendship group is the level of trust established in the group. The counselor needs to be in tuned with the group dynamics and keep the enviroment safe for sharing.
The group meets once a week for 30 minutes at recess. There are 8 girls in the group. There are 6 sessions. As in other groups the girls (boys) sign up for group by sending me a note indicating interest in the group. In addition I get referrals from teachers and parents.
Session One
- Review the purpose of the group. Say, "This group we will begin looking at friendships. We all have had friends that we just love being around. We will explore what traits these friends have. We will also talk about those friends who are sometimes fun but frustrating or even some who are not so nice. What are some of the things they might be doing. Lastly, in this group we will talk about what kind of friend each of you are. What are your strengths and what are some things you might like to work on. "
- Review the ground rules of confidentiality, respecting others and good listening, the right to pass.
- Opening exercise: Each person gives their name and completes this sentence "My favorite things to do with my friend(s) is ...................."
- Check in with group to see if there are any connections with other members.
- Close out: See who can name each group member and say what the favorite thing to do is. Several students like to give this a try. Again, this reinforces the listening and attending skills.
Session Two:
- As counselor and group leader share a personal story about yourself as a 4th grader. Describe something about what you might have done with your friends. I have found students are interested in how things were in the past. I usually tell the story of the old fashioned song Playmate. I share with them how my mom use to sing this when I was really little and so I always wanted to find this special friend but that I found it wasn't always that easy as in the song.
Hey, hey, oh playmate, Come out and play with me. You'll bring your dollies three, Climb up my apple tree.
Slide down my rain barrel, Slide down my cellar door. And we'll be jolly friends forever more.
So sorry, playmate I cannot play with you. My dolly's got the flu. Boo-hoo-oo-oo-oo. Can't slide down your rain barrel, Or slide down your cellar door. But we'll be jolly friends. Forever more
- Next we do a go around where each person describes some traits that make a good friend. We might go around several times listing traits. Traits such as fun, makes me laugh, trust worthy, keep secrets, good ideas for playing, etc.
- Each member, including myself, will describe something they would like if they had a dream friend.
- Close out: Say, "Did you know that we can actually have a choice when picking a friend? " Take a minute or two as they go around to comment on that sentence. This will give the counselor some insight into their developmental level as well as the personal need for a friend in the group. Those who don't feel they have a choice are usually more needy or at a different developmental level.
Session Three
- Say, "Last week we talked about some traits that make a good friend and a little about how we have a choice for picking friends. Today we are going to talk about what kind of friend we are. What are some traits that you offer as a friend. What are your strengths or gifts as a friend. Maybe you are funny, or a good listener. Maybe you are easy going and don't mind playing whatever your friend wants to play.
- This is not a go around question. Each person shares when they are ready. For those who don't offer any comments. I ask if they would like the group to give them some feedback on what they have noticed.
- To bring the group more into the here and now I ask group members to comment on if they have seen these traits or if they have learned something new about a group member. If they had anything they wanted to share as feedback or observation. I encourage direct conversation with each other by saying, "Tell her that personally".
- Close out - I leave them with a thought question for next time. "I wonder, with all these great traits of friendship why anyone would choose friends that don't have all these qualities? Next week we are going to look at some of those "not so" friendship traits.
Session Four
- It is important to review the ground rules for this session since we will be talking about the negative traits of a friend, the temptation is to talk about a specific person who has not been a good friend. Most everyone has a story of when someone has been mean to them in some way. I stress that we are not talking about a specific person but behaviors that are barriers to friendship.
- Each students describes something that has hindered a friendship.
- We also share the feelings that come from having friends who do these behaviors.
- Although this is not a here and now sharing it is important that the members get a chance to share some of their past experiences. At this time, if I see traits of good friendship as the sharing takes place I will comment on it. Such as "Last week Mary said one of her positive friendship traits is kindness and today we are seeing this when Sue was sharing her frustrations."
- Close out : Say, " Fourth grade is a time where everyone is trying on new behaviors. Some are positive and some aren't working so good for them. It is important to understand that these negative friendship traits are not permanent. Like a brick wall, it is just a barrier and each brick can be removed. Next week we will be taking a personal look at some of the things we might do that might be a barrier to friendship." Go around and share your thoughts about how this might feel to share the things we might be doing that aren't so friendly.
Session Five
- Open the group with a brief discussion about the current trust level of the group. Remind them if the trust level of the group is low that is natural since we will be sharing some personal information. It is okay to be cautious. Also remind them about confidentiality.
- As a group leader use your own judgement rather to continue with this session, if the group is in the conflict stage it might be better to spend group time processing in more detail what might help bring more trust in the group.
- If the group is in the working stage proceed with sharing of what each member might do that is a barrier to friendship. I always share mine first to model. Depending on the group I sometimes share examples of when I was in fourth grade (I was very bossy) or currently (Not always the best listener since I listen to so many students all day I want to talk about myself too much with my friends).
- In most cases group members are okay with sharing this information about themselves. I present it as an opportunity to start thinking about goals they would like to set for the future.
- Close out with "What was it like sharing about your 'not so good' traits?".
Session Six
- This is our last group session.
- Talk about what they learned about themselves and what they learned from others.
- Talk about the one thing they would like to start working on to becoming a better friend.
- Talk about the concept of choice in looking for a friend.
- Talk about the feelings of the group ending.
Session Seven (Optional)
Depending on the group there are some times that we extend this group for one more session.