How to Make a Friend
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From My Counseling Room
It is difficult to explain how some kids can have 5 BBFs (best friends forever) within one class period and others seem to fade into to background lonely, confused and sad. In the 3rd grade we have an influx of new students coming to our gifted magnet program. This is one of my earlier lessons. It is very empowering for the students to realize making friends is a learned skill.
Cameron was referred to me by his teacher after many failed attempts to connect with his new classmates. Unlike some of the other students arriving new to Haycock who knew some of the classmates from their previous school, Cameron knew no one. He actually was very outgoing and took many risk. Maybe too many risk because he came on so aggressively the other kids pulled away from his attempts to connect. In addition, Cameron didn't have many filters and often said the first thing that came to mind, which sometimes were rude and insulting. Cameron's first few visits consisted of him ranting about how much he hated this school and the kids who had pushed him away. He longed for his old school and kids who understood him. After chatting with his mom to confirm that he was here to stay, we set out on a plan to start over again. With the class list in my hand we went over each student in the class and Cameron shared his opinion of them. Many counselors may disagree with me on this particular strategy since it reinforces negativity. However, in my counseling room the students are free to express their honest feelings and thoughts. As we go through the list after Cameron has shared his opinion of the student I ask him, "and what might she/he say about you at this time?" As we reviewed the list we saw a pattern. Cameron was able to see for himself how he was coming across. We watched the video clip again in my room, stopping and talking in detail about how to set up his plan of action. He named one person that he thought would give him a second chance. I asked the teacher to sit them next to each other and to have them do partner work together. Cameron practiced some of the ways to connect and we processed how it went on the next visits. By Thanksgiving break Cameron had several boys who "thought he was cool". One of the ways that Cameron was able to build a network of friends was at recess. He decided to organize a kick ball game. Soon his early days of fear and frustration were in the past.
Cameron was referred to me by his teacher after many failed attempts to connect with his new classmates. Unlike some of the other students arriving new to Haycock who knew some of the classmates from their previous school, Cameron knew no one. He actually was very outgoing and took many risk. Maybe too many risk because he came on so aggressively the other kids pulled away from his attempts to connect. In addition, Cameron didn't have many filters and often said the first thing that came to mind, which sometimes were rude and insulting. Cameron's first few visits consisted of him ranting about how much he hated this school and the kids who had pushed him away. He longed for his old school and kids who understood him. After chatting with his mom to confirm that he was here to stay, we set out on a plan to start over again. With the class list in my hand we went over each student in the class and Cameron shared his opinion of them. Many counselors may disagree with me on this particular strategy since it reinforces negativity. However, in my counseling room the students are free to express their honest feelings and thoughts. As we go through the list after Cameron has shared his opinion of the student I ask him, "and what might she/he say about you at this time?" As we reviewed the list we saw a pattern. Cameron was able to see for himself how he was coming across. We watched the video clip again in my room, stopping and talking in detail about how to set up his plan of action. He named one person that he thought would give him a second chance. I asked the teacher to sit them next to each other and to have them do partner work together. Cameron practiced some of the ways to connect and we processed how it went on the next visits. By Thanksgiving break Cameron had several boys who "thought he was cool". One of the ways that Cameron was able to build a network of friends was at recess. He decided to organize a kick ball game. Soon his early days of fear and frustration were in the past.