Using Blocks
One of the ways to connect with a student is through blocks.
There are a variety of blocks on the market and a range of prices. I would check craigslist and Goodwill type stores. There are also the large blocks made of cardboard that work as well. These larger cardboard blocks do take up a lot of space however. My preference are the old wooden blocks that come in various sizes. You might also put out a wishlist to parents whose children have out grown their blocks. Generally speaking a set of 50 - 100 works well.
I use blocks with all ages, including 6th graders. However, I change the introduction and wording to make it age appropriate.
Grades K - 1
Grades 2 - 6
Using Blocks in 2nd Grade Play Group
There are a variety of blocks on the market and a range of prices. I would check craigslist and Goodwill type stores. There are also the large blocks made of cardboard that work as well. These larger cardboard blocks do take up a lot of space however. My preference are the old wooden blocks that come in various sizes. You might also put out a wishlist to parents whose children have out grown their blocks. Generally speaking a set of 50 - 100 works well.
I use blocks with all ages, including 6th graders. However, I change the introduction and wording to make it age appropriate.
Grades K - 1
- I will have the blocks set up prior to the students arrival. I generally introduce the blocks on our second meeting but may have them out for a first meeting if I anticipate shyness or reluctance of the student.
- The blocks are set up on the floor rather than a table. I believe that having a student sitting on the floor, on a subconscious level, grounds the individual and takes them back to their emotional foundation. I also sit on the floor.
- In most cases I say to the student let's build something and I begin making a type of foundation. Depending on where we are in the process I may use this time for basic observation and building rapport. It is important not to rush the student. Generally we try to see how tall we can make the structure before it falls, other times we try to make a building of some time.
- If we have established this and are in the working phase I begin talking about the issue at hand. The blocks then are used to create the setting (such as the classroom or home bedroom area etc)
- I often use the blocks as metaphors such a comparing the tall wobbly structure to one with strong base.
Grades 2 - 6
- For the older students I bring the blocks out later in our conversation. I usually say something like, "Wait, I have an idea. Let me get the blocks so I can show you what I am thinking. (We move to the ground )
- Here I use a variety of metaphors with the blocks.... building barriers, strong foundations, means to show me their house floor plan as they describe events in the home.
- As we are using the blocks I often ask if they had blocks when they were younger, how did they play with them, any memories? This is just to explore and to get them know them better. Over the years I have heard some interesting memories. One common theme is trying to make a better structure than siblings or comparing with the father.
Using Blocks in 2nd Grade Play Group
- One very interesting use of blocks is during the 2nd grade play group. During this time as the students begin to build I observe their patterns of interactions. Who is the most aggressive? Who has really helpful ideas but is ignored? Who hangs back and watches? Who wants all the attention? Who wants to knock down and start over? Who sabotages the plan? Later as we process what went on in the group we talk about these observations and what they might mean.
From my Counseling Room
Carrie, a fourth grader, came to see me after an incident that occurred at recess. For the last few weeks her friends were running off and playing elsewhere. Then she would chase them. When she tried to find out why they would either run off again or say she was "mean" and they didn't want to play with her.
I had known Carrie since Kindergarten. In Kindergarten she was a leader. She was bright, friendly and fearless. Most of the girls in her class wanted to play with Carrie because she was full of fun ideas. Carrie was a nice girl but she also had a tendency to want her own way. The girls in kindergarten freely gave it to her so there was rarely any conflict.
This pattern continued until about 3rd grade. In 3rd grade Carrie went into the Gifted program at my school. Suddenly Carrie had other bright, friendly and fearless girls in her class. Now there were new girls, new fun ideas at recess and the other girls quickly left Carrie to follow them. Although the new girls included Carrie she was struggling with not being the leader anymore. Jealousy and fear began to drive Carrie and often she did not make the best choices.
After listening to Carrie's concerns about what had been happening at recess, talking with the teacher, and checking in with Carrie's mom it became clear that Carrie actions had indeed been mean. It was also clear that Carrie was acting out of fear, anger and sadness. She did not have the social skills. Carrie never learned the social skills because friends came to her so easily in the beginning.
In supporting Carrie I had to first acknowledge her feelings of anger, sadness. The next step was helping her to see the big picture. I usually start this process by saying there is always something we can learn from our sad times (or angry times). I asked her what she thought this might be. She wanted to know why the kids thought she was so mean. That is when I brought out the BLOCKS.
Together we listed all the things that kids thought were mean. These were not necessarily things that Carrie did. As she said each mean thing I stacked the blocks making a wall. She listed things like yelling at friends, calling names, laughing when someone got hurt, wanting to be right all the time, wanting own way, etc.
The wall was pretty big.
Next I asked Carrie to talk about the ones she thought she might do sometimes. She had a healthy self awareness. Next I took more blocks out and asked Carrie to list the things that make a good friend. As she spoke I build a structure that looked like a long pole. We talked about traits that Carrie had that were considered friendly and nice. The kinds that girls would want to play with her.
I asked Carrie, "Wouldn't it be great if you could use this pole to smash down this other wall of mean things?" Carrie started to cry. It was clear to her that she had created this wall. We processed what the tears meant.
Epilogue: I worked with Carrie a few more times as we began to explore which friendship skills she wanted to develop. She also understood that this was not necessarily a bad thing about her and that learning a social skill was similar to learning math skill. We also set out to build some trust with the other girls. Carrie and I brainstormed which girl(s) would give her a second chance. We set up a meeting and Carrie shared some of what she had learned about herself. I believe most girls are willing to forgive and start fresh. They intuitively know they might be next.
I had known Carrie since Kindergarten. In Kindergarten she was a leader. She was bright, friendly and fearless. Most of the girls in her class wanted to play with Carrie because she was full of fun ideas. Carrie was a nice girl but she also had a tendency to want her own way. The girls in kindergarten freely gave it to her so there was rarely any conflict.
This pattern continued until about 3rd grade. In 3rd grade Carrie went into the Gifted program at my school. Suddenly Carrie had other bright, friendly and fearless girls in her class. Now there were new girls, new fun ideas at recess and the other girls quickly left Carrie to follow them. Although the new girls included Carrie she was struggling with not being the leader anymore. Jealousy and fear began to drive Carrie and often she did not make the best choices.
After listening to Carrie's concerns about what had been happening at recess, talking with the teacher, and checking in with Carrie's mom it became clear that Carrie actions had indeed been mean. It was also clear that Carrie was acting out of fear, anger and sadness. She did not have the social skills. Carrie never learned the social skills because friends came to her so easily in the beginning.
In supporting Carrie I had to first acknowledge her feelings of anger, sadness. The next step was helping her to see the big picture. I usually start this process by saying there is always something we can learn from our sad times (or angry times). I asked her what she thought this might be. She wanted to know why the kids thought she was so mean. That is when I brought out the BLOCKS.
Together we listed all the things that kids thought were mean. These were not necessarily things that Carrie did. As she said each mean thing I stacked the blocks making a wall. She listed things like yelling at friends, calling names, laughing when someone got hurt, wanting to be right all the time, wanting own way, etc.
The wall was pretty big.
Next I asked Carrie to talk about the ones she thought she might do sometimes. She had a healthy self awareness. Next I took more blocks out and asked Carrie to list the things that make a good friend. As she spoke I build a structure that looked like a long pole. We talked about traits that Carrie had that were considered friendly and nice. The kinds that girls would want to play with her.
I asked Carrie, "Wouldn't it be great if you could use this pole to smash down this other wall of mean things?" Carrie started to cry. It was clear to her that she had created this wall. We processed what the tears meant.
Epilogue: I worked with Carrie a few more times as we began to explore which friendship skills she wanted to develop. She also understood that this was not necessarily a bad thing about her and that learning a social skill was similar to learning math skill. We also set out to build some trust with the other girls. Carrie and I brainstormed which girl(s) would give her a second chance. We set up a meeting and Carrie shared some of what she had learned about herself. I believe most girls are willing to forgive and start fresh. They intuitively know they might be next.