Anxiety and Fears
Over the years I've used a variety of strategies for helping students with high anxiety or worries. The strategies vary with the developmental level and emotional needs of the student, however, there are some basic methods I used with most children.
In elementary school many of the worries or fears are normal for their developmental stage, therefore one of the first steps is is to help the student see that he/she is not the only one with these fears or worries. Often I will invite the student into one of my girl's or boy's groups. Here they discover through "I wonder" questions or sand tray pictures that they are not the only one. In addition they learn how others have worked through their fears and worries. If the student does not want to participate in a group then I will work with them in individual sessions. Read more about developmental stages.
Here is an example of the process
In the first session(s) the primary goal is to listen and validate their feelings, fears, worries, anxieties, etc. Use plenty of paraphrasing, reflecting and clarifying as you listen. Often counselors are looking for a way to ease the students suffering or a quick fix. These are important but first the student must feel heard and understood. As counselors we want to respond with empathy but not sympathy.
In the second session discuss how fears, worries and anxiety can be useful or helpful signals in every day life. Depending on the age of the student either brainstorm or share examples when being fearful or worried is a good thing.
Review the worry (fear, anxiety) that the student shared and explore if this can also be used in a helpful way. Share with student that on the next visits we will be exploring ways to make the worries more useful or less powerful.
Using the Sandtray
Solution Focus Approach
Learn more about Solution Focus from this website - http://www.sfbta.org/about_sfbt.html
When a student is struggling with a worry or anxiety the goal is look for solutions rather than dwell on the problem. Helping the student see possibilities is very empowering and gives them a sense of hope. The focus is on "how" rather than "why."
When working with students we want them to focus on what they can "start doing" to help get over the worries. There are many strategies that work using Solution Focus.
In elementary school many of the worries or fears are normal for their developmental stage, therefore one of the first steps is is to help the student see that he/she is not the only one with these fears or worries. Often I will invite the student into one of my girl's or boy's groups. Here they discover through "I wonder" questions or sand tray pictures that they are not the only one. In addition they learn how others have worked through their fears and worries. If the student does not want to participate in a group then I will work with them in individual sessions. Read more about developmental stages.
Here is an example of the process
In the first session(s) the primary goal is to listen and validate their feelings, fears, worries, anxieties, etc. Use plenty of paraphrasing, reflecting and clarifying as you listen. Often counselors are looking for a way to ease the students suffering or a quick fix. These are important but first the student must feel heard and understood. As counselors we want to respond with empathy but not sympathy.
In the second session discuss how fears, worries and anxiety can be useful or helpful signals in every day life. Depending on the age of the student either brainstorm or share examples when being fearful or worried is a good thing.
- A good example is describing a very hot day and seeing a pool and wanting to jump in. There is a sign that says "closed due to pollution". It would be a wise thing to worry that swimming in the water might not be safe. It would be wise to be fearful of the water. It would be foolish not to worry and to jump in the water regardless of the sign.
- Another example of how worrying is helpful is preparing for a test. Students who do not worry often do not study or bother to learn what is necessary. Sometimes worry can make students work harder and do their best to improve.
Review the worry (fear, anxiety) that the student shared and explore if this can also be used in a helpful way. Share with student that on the next visits we will be exploring ways to make the worries more useful or less powerful.
Using the Sandtray
- One method used to help the student share about his/her worries is by using the Sandtray. Direct the student to the sand tray and ask them to find a miniature that represents their worry, fear, or anxiety (depending on the word the student uses). After they have selected this miniature (could be more than one) ask them to add other items to match how they are thinking or feeling.
- Using personification (Personification is a figure of speech in which a thing, an idea or an animal is given human attributes. The non-human objects are portrayed in such a way that we feel they have the ability to act like human beings) is an excellent way to help the student get control or power over the worry, fear, anxiety. Invite the student to show ways that the object can be trapped or captured.
- Invite the student to show how it would be if there were no fear, worry or anxiety.
- Over a series of sandtray pictures brainstorm some tips that might make the picture a reality.
Solution Focus Approach
Learn more about Solution Focus from this website - http://www.sfbta.org/about_sfbt.html
When a student is struggling with a worry or anxiety the goal is look for solutions rather than dwell on the problem. Helping the student see possibilities is very empowering and gives them a sense of hope. The focus is on "how" rather than "why."
When working with students we want them to focus on what they can "start doing" to help get over the worries. There are many strategies that work using Solution Focus.
- The 1 - 10 scale question Have students say where they are with their worry, fear, anxiety with one being very little ( have them describe what it will look like and feel like when they have very little worry, fear or anxiety) and ten being a huge amount (again have them describe how it looks and feels) Ask them to share where they are on this scale. Draw the scale and mark it on paper.
- What tiny step can you take? Have the student describe one change they might do to move closer to the one, even if it is one tiny thing to the next number..... Have student describe what this movement might look like, feel like and sound like.
- The "What If " Day? Say, " Suppose one morning you wake up and everything feels and looks different. You don't know what it is at first and then suddenly your realize. The worry, fear, anxiety is gone. What if suddenly it truly was gone. Describe what that would look like, feel like and sound like to you.
- Follow up sessions are important. During this time provide a lot of positive reinforcement and encouragement as student moves forward in small increments. Even if student reports still having fears, worries, anxieties comment on how student is still persevering despite high level on 1 -10 scale.
Book Resources
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Huebner is an excellent resource for students. The book guides children and parents through cognitive-behavioral techniques using kid friendly metaphors and illustrations. Reading the book together during individual sessions and working the activities is very effective especially if there is follow up at home.
Chapter One - Are You Growing Worries
Chapter Two - What Is a Worry?
Chapter Three - How Do Worries Get Started?
Chapter Four - Making Worries Go Away
Chapter Five - Spending Less Time on Worries
Chapter Six - Talking Back to Worries
Chapter Seven - Re-setting Your System
Chapter Eight - Keeping Worries Away
Chapter Nine - You Can Do It !
For further resources check out the link for Family Issues under Mental Health.
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety by Dawn Huebner is an excellent resource for students. The book guides children and parents through cognitive-behavioral techniques using kid friendly metaphors and illustrations. Reading the book together during individual sessions and working the activities is very effective especially if there is follow up at home.
Chapter One - Are You Growing Worries
Chapter Two - What Is a Worry?
Chapter Three - How Do Worries Get Started?
Chapter Four - Making Worries Go Away
Chapter Five - Spending Less Time on Worries
Chapter Six - Talking Back to Worries
Chapter Seven - Re-setting Your System
Chapter Eight - Keeping Worries Away
Chapter Nine - You Can Do It !
For further resources check out the link for Family Issues under Mental Health.
From My Counseling Room
I first started working with this student in the second grade when her grandfather passed away. Now in 6th grade here is her journey in her own words
I couldn’t go to my best friend’s slumber party.
I couldn’t ride the zip-line at camp.
I couldn’t ride the roller coaster at the amusement park.
I couldn’t sleep without constant comfort and reassurances from my parents.
But all this started to change the day my grandfather died.
I had to use the phone in the guidance counselor’s office to call my dad about my grandfather. I had never really known her; she was just Mrs. Aydlette, the Panda Lady. But she talked to me and discovered my problem. Since that day, once a week during lunch I would go to her office and talk to her. Things didn’t improve overnight. They didn’t improve in a month. They hardly improved in a year. But after four years I was a new person.
For me, every day was filled with new worries and anxieties that I got over really fast. But some worries, I didn’t. My biggest worry I could remember took up almost three quarters of my time with Mrs. Aydlette. I had an awful fear of throwing up. And when I say awful, I mean awful. All of my other worries just bothered me at night. But this bothered me during math, during recess, during PE, and even during play practice, which was usually the highlight of school. This one fear just wouldn’t get better marginally. Talking made it ever so slightly better. The way I broke that fear was by getting a stomach virus and throwing up. It showed me that it wasn’t so bad.
Although that fear was immune to talking, all my other fears weren’t. For a while I wasn’t getting enough sleep because I spent the nights crying and getting up and bothering my parents and lying in bed too afraid to move. But now, four years later, I am a normal girl. I no longer spend every night lying in bed afraid. I no longer need to talk to someone about my worries. Every once in a while I have a “panic attack” at night but it is much less frequent. And I owe all my thanks to Mrs. Aydlette and the book she gave me “What to do when you Worry Too Much” by Dawn Huebner. The book offers many strategies for worries and tells you how to nip new worries in the bud.
My worries have been a challenge and an adventure that I am glad is over.
-Grace
I couldn’t go to my best friend’s slumber party.
I couldn’t ride the zip-line at camp.
I couldn’t ride the roller coaster at the amusement park.
I couldn’t sleep without constant comfort and reassurances from my parents.
But all this started to change the day my grandfather died.
I had to use the phone in the guidance counselor’s office to call my dad about my grandfather. I had never really known her; she was just Mrs. Aydlette, the Panda Lady. But she talked to me and discovered my problem. Since that day, once a week during lunch I would go to her office and talk to her. Things didn’t improve overnight. They didn’t improve in a month. They hardly improved in a year. But after four years I was a new person.
For me, every day was filled with new worries and anxieties that I got over really fast. But some worries, I didn’t. My biggest worry I could remember took up almost three quarters of my time with Mrs. Aydlette. I had an awful fear of throwing up. And when I say awful, I mean awful. All of my other worries just bothered me at night. But this bothered me during math, during recess, during PE, and even during play practice, which was usually the highlight of school. This one fear just wouldn’t get better marginally. Talking made it ever so slightly better. The way I broke that fear was by getting a stomach virus and throwing up. It showed me that it wasn’t so bad.
Although that fear was immune to talking, all my other fears weren’t. For a while I wasn’t getting enough sleep because I spent the nights crying and getting up and bothering my parents and lying in bed too afraid to move. But now, four years later, I am a normal girl. I no longer spend every night lying in bed afraid. I no longer need to talk to someone about my worries. Every once in a while I have a “panic attack” at night but it is much less frequent. And I owe all my thanks to Mrs. Aydlette and the book she gave me “What to do when you Worry Too Much” by Dawn Huebner. The book offers many strategies for worries and tells you how to nip new worries in the bud.
My worries have been a challenge and an adventure that I am glad is over.
-Grace